Change, Crisis, Counselling

Having a ‘crisis’?

Some people come to counselling because of unsettling change taking place, either in events or in the way they see things. They may be seeking change. These possibly intense experiences sometimes get called crises – like, “the mid-life crisis”.

“In English, crisis was first used in a medical context, for the time in the development of a disease when a change indicates either recovery or death, that is, a turning-point”

Erik Erikson is one of several psychologists who explained systematically how humans develop. He described eight fixed stages we must pass through as we age: and he identified in each one a  “crisis”, that is a turning point when there is potential for either life-giving or deadening change.

Erik Erikson’s theory

Erkison thought a person must complete essential ‘tasks’ in each life stage - needing help from others to do so successfully. This sounds exciting, vulnerable, risky - and, yes, Erkison thought it was possible for a person not to complete tasks and remain stuck. A sense of stuckness or needing to complete something left unfinished can be a reason people come to counselling.

In Erikson’s third ‘Pre-School’ stage, we practice independence and assert ourselves. We want to take the initiative but to some extent get held back. This may keep us or someone else safer but stops us doing what we need to and creates a sense of being a burden, of guilt. Hopefully, we emerge with a sense of purpose: we could get stuck with self-doubt, low confidence.

Counselling Practice

An important aspect of counselling can be supporting a person to discover what their deepest self is saying. Does this clash with messages they’ve been told by Others or the World? Times of change can lead people to notice the clash and wonder whether the scripts they have learned (still) work for them – or are preventing them being / becoming themselves.

It is important a counsellor takes care not to become another voice of authority (however subtly) exerting power. Instead, they should create conditions for clients to pay attention to their real, unique experiences. This can be strange! Many of us are more used to being pressurised to conform or hide because changes we experience disrupt or make demands of others.  

In Erikson’s fifth ‘Adolescence’ stage, crucial tumult happens. We often hear about this from those on the outside - parents or teachers - who might have a vested interest in limiting disruption. This video shows conflict-filled change is vital and wonderful, crucial for young people who need to prune, discover passions and develop their brain. Hopefully, they emerge with a clear sense of who they are and what matters.

What does Change mean to you?

You might find it useful to think about Erikson’s theory. Does it help you make sense of your changing experiences? (It might not – it is just a general theory, after all!) Can you identify tasks you want to complete that may relate to being held back at an earlier stage of life?

Generally, are you a person who hates change and likes to stay in a familiar place? Or do you relish novelty and feel drawn to the idea of moving on? What do these questions bring up for you?

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Implementing change, once we decide we want it, is a complex process. In a future post, I will introduce some ideas developed by researchers Prochaska and DiClemente about the cyclical process of change. You might, for now, enjoy this video from the School of Life about Feeling Stuck.